I guess he really no longer
has any interest in me. It really is
too late. The right moment passed
as I froze inside. Could not speak
words I had no confidence in--
myself, my own feelings for
my self-needs. Guess I just could not
amend that decision of self-direction
I'd made so long ago at age 13--
to live free, experience for myself,
pain, endure self-awareness alone,
find out first hand, no advice taken.

I just don't know how to
all-of-the-sudden change
my direction -- go with a man,
trust him -- make him part of
my solo existence. Since I'd already
decided and kept my word to myself
that I'd end up alone--writing.

Know I'm sitting in
the right location out here-- a bird
just crapped on the hem of my
vintage black velvet coat.